All I'm Lacking
by Rincewind2.0
Summary: One-shot about the relationship between Renji and Shuuhei during their Academy days. Renji is struggling with his studies when Shuuhei offers his help.


_**This happens in the same universe as "Love On The Rocks", but years before it all, when Shuuhei and Renji were still in the Academy. If you want to see amazing Renji&Shuuhei fanart, check out pandabaka on deviantart, she does some really sweet pictures of them. This was partly inspired by them too.**_

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><p><strong>All I'm Lacking<strong>

Renji Abarai felt an urge to bang his head against something hard. The letters on the paper made absolutely no sense to him and he had been staring at the same page for what felt like hours. He had an exam on this tomorrow and he was sure he would fail and be thrown out of the Academy, the senseis would finally realize what a mistake they had made when they had allowed him in. He would've wanted to go out with Kira, Momo and Rukia, they all had finished their studying ages ago and went out to relax a little. With a sigh Renji grabbed the brush one more time and tried to write an answer to one of the questions that would be on the exam. The ink kept spluttering all over the paper and even he couldn't read what he had tried to write.

"Goddamnit" he huffed and threw the brush on the desk, burying his face into his hands. He heard a soft knock behind him and whipped around to see who it was. To his surprise it wasn't any of his friends but Shuuhei Hisagi, his senpai. The man was sporting a very recent scar on his face that he had gotten during their training gone wrong just few weeks ago, when the massive Hollow had attacked them and killed many of their comrades. They had saved by captains Aizen, Ichimaru and Tousen who had made short work of the Hollows. It had been one of the scariest and most impressive moments of Renji's short life.

He hadn't really seen Shuuhei after that, he had thought the man would be busy recovering from the attack and with his duties to his squad. Shuuhei was a real inspiration, he was strong and intelligent and had already gotten a seated position in the Gotei before even he had graduated. Almost every student in the Academy looked up to him, especially Renji. He wanted to be like him but knew that he wasn't intelligent or talented enough to ever match him. Suddenly he felt guilty that he hadn't even gone to see the man while he had been treated in the 4th squad for his injuries, the man had been ready to sacrifice his life for them after all.

"Hisagi- senpai" he said, now wondering how long the man had been standing there. He must've looked like a real fool, unable to even write down a simple answer.

"Good evening Abarai-san" the man said, smiling kindly, "you're working hard tonight." Renji glanced at his work and felt embarrassment burn his face. He tried to quickly arrange the stacks of papers but only managed to send them flying all over the floor. Cursing under his breath he dropped from his chair and started to gather the papers into his arms. He froze as he saw Shuuhei kneel beside him from the corner of his eye. The older man calmly picked up the papers and stacked them into a neat pile, handing them to Renji. The redhead took the papers avoiding the man's eyes and murmured a quiet 'thank you'.

"No problem" Shuuhei said but didn't get up from the floor. He sat on his hunches, hands lying idly on his lap.

"You seem tired" he continued, his tone lower and softer. Renji shifted in his place, feeling uncomfortable. The man seemed to notice this and then got to his feet, brushing dust off his knees.

"Sorry to have disturbed you, Abarai-san" he said as he turned to walk out.

"It's okay" Reni managed to finally utter as he scrambled back to his feet, "I…" Shuuhei stopped and looked at him over his shoulder. Renji scratched the back of his neck, fiddling with his long hair.

"I…I probably won't get anything done tonight anyway so if…" Renji's voice betrayed him again as his brain battled whether he really should say this out loud, "if you're not busy…"

"Yes?"

"Maybe…we could hang out…or something." Renji turned his attention quickly to his papers, fumbling them nervously. To his surprise he heard a soft chuckle from Shuuhei.

"Yeah, why not" the man said with a shrug, "I could use some company after all." Shuuhei probably hadn't meant it but Renji could hear a twinge of actual sadness in his voice. Again he felt bad for not visiting the man while he'd been recovering.

"My friends have gone for drinks, so you could join us if you want to." The older man smiled and drew his hands into the wide sleeves of his uniform. Renji realized he had never seen Shuuhei in any other clothes but his formal Academy uniform. Renji usually changed to his own informal dressing gown after the lessons but he probably couldn't wear it to the bar.

"Just wait a second, I'll change" he said to Shuuhei and turned to look for his uniform. He had just thrown it somewhere when he had come to his room, it was bound to be here.

"Looking for this?" Renji twirled around and saw Shuuhei holding the two pieces of his uniform in his hands.

"Yeah, thanks" he said and reached his hands out to Shuuhei, waiting for him to throw the clothes to him. Instead, the man calmly walked to him and pressed the pile of clothes into his hands, his fingers quickly brushing over his knuckles as he drew his hands away. Renji shivered at the touch and tried to avoid looking at Shuuhei, he could sense the man's eyes on him.

"Thanks" he muttered again and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. Shuuhei didn't say anything, just smiled faintly again before walking out to let him change in peace.

"I'll wait outside."

"Oh—okay" Renji replied and stared at the man's back as he shut the door. After few seconds he realized he was still staring at the door and quickly shrugged off his dressing gown and jumped into his clothes.

As the door opened beside Shuuhei Renji was still tying the sash on his trousers. Shuuhei smiled at him again, that faint smile that still reached up to his eyes. It softened his features, making them look gentle even with the recent scarring and the odd tattoo on his cheek. Though Renji wasn't one to talk, his forehead was inked with black tribal tattoos that lined up to his hairline.

"Ready to go?" Shuuhei asked. The redhead nodded and started walking along the corridor towards the exit and to the bar. Shuuhei set his steps into the same rhythm with Renji's, his moves were silent and graceful compared to Renji's more boastful and meaningful stride. Though Renji was only few inches taller than Shuuhei, he was more heavily built and his presence more dominating, Shuuhei seemed to be more of the quiet strong type. Renji tried to think of something to say to him, the man seemed quite content on just being quiet.

"You…um, your face seems better" he blurted out and immediately wanted to take it back, feeling like a total idiot for reminding the man of that fateful night. To his surprise Shuuhei just smiled faintly again and touched the scars on his face, tracing the three vertical lines that went over his right eye.

"Yes, the people at the fourth squad know what they're doing" he said, throwing a kind glance at Renji.

"I'm sorry I didn't come over to see you" Renji continued, feeling bit better now that Shuuhei wasn't mad at him.

"It's okay, you seem to be busy as it is. The Academy is very demanding."

"Yeah, at least for me" the redhead scoffed and cringed at the thought of the exam, "I'm so gonna fail that exam I've got tomorrow…" Renji's voice faltered as he noticed Shuuhei staring at him, his eyes scanning him slowly as if he was trying to see past his exterior.

"I'm sure you'll do fine" he finally said and smiled that kind smile again, "maybe I could help out later, if you'd want me to."

"Oh you don't have to" Renji was quick to say, "I know you're busy with all the assignments you get and you're still studying too…"

"No it's fine, I'm taking some time off from the assignments, after that incident…" Shuuhei said, rubbing his scarred cheek again, "I'm not trusting myself with anything important right now, like the lives of others."

"Bu-but you…you are already a seated officer" Renji uttered, confused by Shuuhei's seeming lack of confidence. If he was as intelligent and brilliant as him he would be boasting about it to everyone.

"I don't really think I deserve that position" Shuuhei answered, his voice quiet and low, eyes cast down, "I'm starting to think I'm not fit for a Shinigami at all right now." Shuuhei tried to force out a laugh to belittle his words but Renji could see the hurt in the man's eyes. Without really thinking he placed his hand on Shuuhei's shoulder and squeezed it firmly, making the man turn his head towards him.

"I think you're the best Shinigami I know in the whole Academy" he stated, earning a wide-eyed look from the man, "and all that bullshit about not trusting yourself is just stupid. There are people a lot dumber than you who go around in missions and do fine, you shouldn't doubt yourself like that. What happened wasn't your fault, you shouldn't get stuck on it." Renji quieted down, waiting for Shuuhei to laugh at him. He rubbed his neck nervously, clearing his throat and avoided the man's eyes again.

"Thank you, Abarai-san" Shuuhei said, making Renji raise his gaze back to him, "you are very kind." The redhead uttered a laugh and shrugged his shoulders.

"I just said what I think…I…I just think you should be proud." Shuuhei tilted his head to one side as he looked at Renji.

"You are from Rukongai, aren't you?"

"Yes sir." Shuuhei laughed again, patting him on the shoulder.

"No need for the formalities, I'm a Rukongai kid myself. We should stick together" he grinned. Renji swallowed and managed to smile back.

"Come now, let's go see your friends. And don't worry about the exam, I know you'll do fine" Shuuhei said and started to walk again. Renji's smile widened and he hastened his steps to keep up with the man, feeling much better about everything.

During the next few weeks Shuuhei became a frequent visitor in Renji's quarters, helping him with his studies and telling him about his assignments for the Gotei 13. Renji was a keen listener and Shuuhei was a patient tutor, guiding Renji through the hardest theory parts. He even tried to teach Renji how to use Kido but it seemed to be still beyond the young man's abilities. Shuuhei couldn't help but to laugh at his attempts that more than often backfired on him, quite literally at some cases. Renji started to notice the envious looks they got whenever they were training together or when Shuuhei was seen in his quarters, of course people were wondering why the famous Shinigami student was hanging out with a kid from Rukongai who had blown a Kido spell on his own face. Shuuhei didn't seem to mind though, he was quite reserved and quiet and didn't have that many friends, most people were bit alienated by his reputation and even Renji's friends didn't warm up to him at first. Renji didn't really care about that, he wouldn't admit it to anyone but he was in a way glad that he had Shuuhei all to himself, Izuru and Momo didn't need any help in their studies and at some level Renji was afraid they would prove to be more interesting to Shuuhei because they were smarter than him.

One evening Shuuhei was at Renji's quarters again, questioning him for an upcoming exam. He gave an encouraging smile to him every time the young man answered correctly and clapped his hands together once they had gone through all the questions.

"You've been doing your homework" he congratulated as he leaned his back against the wall behind him. Renji laughed the remark off but smiled back at Shuuhei, it felt good to receive some recognition. Shuuhei managed to be supportive without sounding condescending, which was a rare trait.

"You wanna go grab something to eat?" the redhead asked as he glanced out of the window, it wasn't that late yet.

"Sure, why not" the man said and got up from the floor, dusting off his uniform. That moment Kira and Momo stormed into Renji's room, almost tripping on each other at the doorstep when they noticed he wasn't alone like they had thought.

"Oh, good evening Hisagi-senpai" Momo muttered as she blushed and tried to cover her embarrassment. Izuru coughed awkwardly into his hand and shifted awkwardly on his place. Shuuhei smiled and exchanged amused glances with Renji, the redhead chuckled quietly. It felt good to share an inside joke.

"Good evening Kira-san, Hinamori-san" Shuuhei greeted them back, speaking in a lower tone than usual. Renji had to choke back a laugh, the intimidated looks on Izuru's and Momo's faces were priceless.

"We were just…coming to see Ren…I mean, Abarai-san" Izuru continued, looking for Renji's eyes. The redhead looked back at him and smiled faintly, still trying to control his laughter.

"Ah yes, well I think he's available for your amusement, am I right, Abarai-san?" Shuuhei asked, turning to Renji. The younger man shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah, if you think we're done here then I guess so" he said, glancing at Momo's impressed face.

"We can come back another time" she was quick to put in, already backing out of the room.

"Yeah, it's not that important, really" Izuru added and took few steps back to walk out too.

"Oh, well maybe I could keep Abarai-san company then" Shuuhei said smilingly, his tone getting lighter from held laughter.

"Okay, sorry to bother you Hisagi-senpai" Momo said hastily before disappearing into the hallway along with Izuru, who threw one more glance at Renji as he walked out. The two men left at the room looked at each other and burst into laughter, the spectacle had been too good to be true.

"Am I really that scary?" Shuuhei asked Renji as they walked to get food from a small restaurant in Rukongai. He threw a sideways glance at the redhead who was grinning widely, his wolfish smile revealed his sharp canines.

"Maybe, I was bit scared of you at first" he said as he crossed his hands behind his head, his fingers tightening his hairband that held his long red mane in a ponytail, "your reputation precedes you."

"Oh, I didn't know I was such a formidable figure" Shuuhei chuckled and rested his hands on the belt of his uniform, "no wonder your friends almost fell over when they saw me."

"Well that was bit of an overreaction I admit" Renji said and joined in the laughter, feeling well at ease. He couldn't remember when he had felt so comfortable with another person, Rukia had been his closest friend since childhood but now when she'd gone off to the Kuchiki family he hadn't really seen her. Shuuhei had taken her place in a way, but there was something different. Though they didn't share similar long past as Renji and Rukia it felt like they had known each other always. It was so easy to talk to Shuuhei about everything that crossed his mind, he didn't have to be afraid of sounding stupid or weird and Shuuhei always had something to say in return, either something wise and thoughtful or then witty and sharp. Either way, he always made Renji smile and feel good. The redhead glanced at the man walking beside him and now noted, not for the first time though, that Shuuhei was quite handsome too. No wonder young female Shinigamis blushed as he walked by them, he carried himself with inborn grace and reassurance, he looked almost regal despite his humble beginnings. And the scars on his face only accentuated his sharp features, making him look positively feral. Renji knew he didn't look that ordinary either, his wild hair and strange tattoos were enough to weird out any normal person but Shuuhei had said they suited him, they brought out his character.

"_I think it's very brave, it's like painting your soul on plain sight" _he said noted once after their study sessions when they had been sitting at the back porch, enjoying the warm summer nights. Renji had taken off his shirt and basked in the warmth of the setting sun. Shuuhei had traced the lines of his tattoos with his eyes, his gaze depicting interest and admiration. Renji had asked about Shuuhei's own tattoo, the mysterious number '69' that was tattooed underneath his left eye. Shuuhei had touched the inked numbers, faint smile dwindling on his lips.

"_It's a memento of sorts" _he had said, _"of someone who truly mattered." _Renji could've sensed the matter was still too sensitive to be discussed and had left it at that. He wanted Shuuhei to feel comfortable around him, not like he was being harassed for personal matters. He could understand the need for personal space, he didn't trust people easily himself and it usually took a long time for him to warm up to somebody. But sometimes things just clicked, like with Shuuhei and they got along like old friends.

"Should we go here?" Shuuhei pointed at a sushi restaurant they were walking past.

"Yeah, looks good enough to me" Renji replied and they entered the small restaurant. They occupied a free table from the farthest corner where they could sit and talk in peace.

Before they noticed, hours had passed and they had moved from food to sake, now emptying their fourth bottle. They had gotten louder and their talk now consisted more of laughter than of actual speech. They had moved onto personal matters, which while drunk always meant talking about sex. Shuuhei threw back another saucer of sake and slammed it back on the table, his face contorting into a wide smirk as the alcohol burned his throat.

"Alright" he mumbled, his words were cut off by sudden bursts of laughter before he got himself together, "right right, so, who was your first and when?" Renji chuckled and emptied his own saucer, making a similar face as Shuuhei as the sake went down to his stomach, the warm sensation slowly spreading to his whole body.

"My first eh?" he asked, pausing to think about it, "You can probably guess that yourself."

"Rukia?" Shuuhei asked, cocking an eyebrow as he poured them more sake. Renji looked at the liquid that almost spilled from the saucers.

"Yep" he sighed and rubbed his forehead as Shuuhei's eyes twinkled from laughter, "just before we joined the Academy."

"I knew it" the other man smiled, putting down the sake bottle, "how was it?" Renji exhaled as he picked up his saucer.

"I had to admit, not that good."

"First times rarely are" Shuuhei said, trying to sound comforting.

"No, it wasn't that" Renji said, staring at his sake. Shuuhei raised his eyebrows and leaned back on his cushion.

"Oh, well what then? Do you prefer women with more" the man made round gestures in the air, "you know, woman in them." Renji chortled, almost knocking over his saucer.

"No, no no" he answered laughingly, then quieted down and weighed his next words carefully, "on the contrary actually." He avoided looking Shuuhei straight in the eyes and just threw back his sake, closing his eyes and shifting into a more comfortable position. Shuuhei was silent for a moment, just swishing the sake around in his saucer. He then drank it all in one go and lowered his hands into his lap.

"I don't really care for boobs either." Renji opened his eyes and stared at the man in slight state of shock. Shuuhei was wearing a slightly apologetic smile that was bit crooked to one side and made his sharp features look softer and younger. His eyes looked soft too, maybe from the amount of sake they had just downed but there was something else as well. That wasn't a look you give to someone who's just a friend.

Renji pushed himself up and leaned towards Shuuhei over the table. The man looked anxious now, he was biting his lower lip and Renji could see his hands were shaking slightly. He reached his own hand to grab his and gently pulled him closer. Their lips touched as they leaned over the table, they tasted sake on each other's lips but it wasn't the only thing that was making them feel high right now. It was only a light kiss, their mouths merely brushing against each other but it felt almost electrifying. Renji felt his stomach flip over and his face felt hot, his hands itched to touch Shuuhei's skin. The men drew back to their seats, eyes half-lidded and lips still parted. Renji was the first the flash a wide smile, to which Shuuhei answered with a slightly more reserved look. Renji hemmed and looked at the table's surface, drawing circles into the spilled sake.

"So" he finally said, slowly raising his gaze back to Shuuhei who was still quiet, "what now?" The other man chuckled faintly and shrugged his shoulders, his hands in his lap again.

"Was that okay with you?" Renji persisted, he wanted to feel Shuuhei's taste on his lips again. The man looked back at him and smiled for real this time, and nodded.

"Yeah" he said quietly, "yes it was." The redhead grinned widely, trying to contain his eagerness.

"Would you like some more?"

"Of course."

After that night Renji and Shuuhei rarely spend their nights apart. Shuuhei usually visited Renji's quarters, it would've looked too suspicious if the younger Shinigami had frequented the premises of higher ranking students. Shuuhei still helped Renji with his studies but now the sessions usually ended with the redhead showing his gratitude in many varying ways, most of which included nudity and pleasurable sighs. After one such night Renji was sitting on his back porch with Shuuhei's head in his lap, sharing a cigarette. Shuuhei pointed at different constellations in the sky and Renji listened, he loved Shuuhei's low, soft voice. He sounded even sexier in bed, when he was moaning out Renji's name into his ear. The thought made the redhead chuckle and Shuuhei's head heaved in his lap, making him stop.

"What's so funny?" he asked, reaching up to grab the cigarette from between Renji's lips. The man let him and tousled his black hair affectionately.

"Nothing" he smiled at Shuuhei, then leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"Be careful you don't burn yourself" he noted and drew in a lungful of smoke, then let it float out of his nostrils. Renji leaned back against the wall, his fingers still lingering in Shuuhei's soft hair. His own red mane was loose on his shoulders, still damp from sweat. Shuuhei always insisted he kept his hair like that, said it made him look more handsome and sexier. Plus he loved to tug on the red strands and run his fingers through them during sex.

Shuuhei gave the cigarette back to Renji, there wasn't much left anymore.

"You can have it" the redhead said, waving his hand in the air. Shuuhei shrugged and obliged, drawing in the last breaths of smoke before stomping the cigarette against the wooden boards of the porch.

"It's a pretty night" he noted as he settled his head back into Renji's lap. The redhead nodded and smiled, the air was getting colder already.

"You wanna stay here or go back inside?" Shuuhei raised his eyebrows, he didn't really mind either way.

"Are you cold?" he asked, reaching his hand to touch Renji's bare shoulder.

"Nah, I'm fine. I just thought you should get some sleep."

"You're sweet when you worry about me."

"Somebody has to, you work way too much." Shuuhei chuckled and then sighed contently, moving his hand up to hook them around Renji's neck and shoulders, twirling strands of his hair around his fingers.

"How was that exam yesterday?" The redhead shrugged his shoulders.

"Can't really say yet, the teacher was quite stone faced. But I think I got something right, for once I didn't feel illiterate while reading the questions." Shuuhei scoffed, he thought Renji undermined himself and his own abilities greatly.

"I'm sure you were brilliant" he smiled up at him and raised himself up to kiss the man. Renji put his arm behind Shuuhei's back and kept him in place as they kissed slowly, exploring each other's mouths with their tongues.

It had only been few weeks and already they were so adapted to each other as if they had been together for years. Shuuhei couldn't recall feeling so connected with anyone before in his life. Sometimes he was sure Renji was a psychic, the redhead could read his every word and gesture so well. And he was incredibly kind and sweet with him, not only caring for his well-being but also making sure he had enough time for his own duties and studied much harder now so Shuuhei wouldn't have to help him so much. Shuuhei didn't mind tutoring him, he felt so happy every time Renji's face was lit with the realization of a new idea and he learned so fast, mastering every new skill with ease. Shuuhei knew he'd make a great Shinigami one day, possibly much greater than himself. He was proud, but sometimes he could sense there was something else driving the young man forward than just the want to learn.

"Renji" he said after they broke the kiss and the man laid him back into his lap, "can I ask you something?" The redhead snorted and ran his fingers through Shuuhei's hair.

"If you still want me to try that Kido spell then no, I don't want to blow us both to smithereens at this hour."

"No, it's nothing like that" the man chuckled, then tried to regain his seriousness again, "it might be bit personal, and I don't want to offend you." Now Renji raised an eyebrow at him and straightened himself up.

"Okay" he said slowly, "go ahead." Shuuhei opened his mouth but then frowned and decided to get up, this might be better to be dealt with in an upright position. He scooted himself next to Renji and crossed his legs in front of him, leaning his elbows on his knees. Renji was looking suspicious now, his scowl deepening. But he didn't say anything, he waited for Shuuhei to say his piece.

"You've been doing really well Renji, and I'm really proud for you, I know you'll go far one day" the man started, throwing a smiling glance at the redhead, "but I've been wondering…Sometimes…You seem so focused, so determined when you're training and studying, almost like the assignment is an enemy you have to defeat no matter what, and I've just been thinking that if there's something that drives you on that much, makes you so adamant, so persistent in everything you do." Shuuhei uttered a small laugh, trying to loosen the suddenly tense atmosphere.

"Sometimes you have this fire in your eyes, like you're a man possessed. It almost scares me." Renji had gone quiet, his eyes cast down and face serious. Shuuhei regretted ever saying anything, maybe he had hit on a sore spot on the young man's past. Despite being so close they had only known for so long and Shuuhei didn't really know much about Renji's past, other than he was an orphan kid from the bad part of Rukongai, a stray dog as the man said it himself. Maybe something in his past drove him on, a fear of going back to where he had come from? The need to prove himself to the other students who came from better backgrounds? Shuuhei didn't know but he wanted to understand. Renji still said nothing and it made Shuuhei uneasy. He carefully touched the man's shoulder, almost fearing he would flinch from his touch now.

"I'm sorry Renji, I didn't mean to pry…"

"It's fine, really" the redhead cut him off, quickly smiling at him before his face turned into a stoic mask again, "I just…need to gather my thoughts so it would make sense to you, that's all." Shuuhei let out a mental sigh of relief, it seemed he hadn't managed to screw everything up after all. Renji took his time, his face crunching as he tried to figure out a way to tell Shuuhei that wouldn't make him sound like a maniac.

"I…I suppose you know about my friend, Rukia" he finally started, bit hesitantly. Shuuhei nodded, he could recall the small but feisty girl who had started the Academy alongside Renji.

"She was adopted into the Kuchiki family, was she not?" he said softly, his hand now slowly massaging Renji's tense shoulders. The redhead nodded, his jaw clearly clenching.

"Yeah, she was" he said and coughed into his hand, avoiding Shuuhei's eyes.

"I take it she was from Rukongai too" Shuuhei said tentatively, "must be quite a change for her part."

"Guess so." Renji sighed and shook his head, forcing an apologetic smile to Shuuhei.

"Sorry, I'm not really making any sense to you, am I?" The man smiled back at him, planting a light kiss on his lips.

"I'm a patient man, you should know that by now." Now Renji chuckled for real but then continued with his story.

"Well, you're probably familiar with the head of the Kuchiki family, Byakuya?" Shuuhei frowned but nodded again. He still wasn't seeing the connection.

"This is gonna sound pretty stupid, to you at least, but…" Renji paused, scratching his head and trying to find the right words, "I was there when Rukia was adopted in the Kuchiki family, and he was there too…His power…I almost got knocked off my feet by his sheer presence. I had seen captain Aizen and captain Ichimaru kill large Hollows with a single movement but he… He was something else." Renji stopped again, trying to see what Shuuhei was thinking. The man's face was solemn, his eyes kind and concerned. Renji swallowed and shrugged, trying to make light of the fire that burned inside him every time he thought about the said man.

"Ever since…Ever since that day I've sworn to train so hard that one day I'd surpass Byakuya Kuchiki. I want to have that power, I want to be able to be someone like him, so self-assured and formidable, he seems to have everything…" Renji lowered his eyes again, his hands had balled into tight fists. Shuuhei's hand had stopped its movement on his back.

"It's not fair" the redhead hissed out between his clenched teeth, "he already has money, wealth, power, status, now he takes my best friend…It's not fair." Shuuhei didn't say anything, he just moved bit closer and wrapped his arms around Renji, stroking his wild hair. The man slowly relaxed into his arms, his hands still as tight fists. They sat like that for what felt like ages and at the same time just few seconds until Renji drew in a shaky breath and slowly pulled away from Shuuhei. A slightly forced smile crossed his face as he got up and pulled Shuuhei up with him. He looked into the man's eyes and brushed his fingers over the scars on Shuuhei's face. The man grabbed his hand and kissed it gently, not breaking their eye contact.

"C'mon, you need some sleep" Renji said and nodded towards his room. Shuuhei didn't say anything but followed him inside and laid down on the futon beside him. Renji didn't sleep that night and he knew Shuuhei didn't either, but they said nothing before the morning when Shuuhei got up and left, giving the young man a quick kiss before leaving him alone again.

The next evening Renji was nodding off at his desk when there was a soft knock on his door. He turned around though he already knew who it was. Shuuhei was standing by his door, the familiar small smile on his face. He was holding something in his hand, something that looked awfully familiar to Renji. Shuuhei glanced at his hand and his smile widened. He raised his hand up and dangled the object in the air.

"I figured you might want some" he said, nodding to the sake bottle. Renji's face split into a wide grin and he hailed for Shuuhei to come in. The man stepped inside, closing the door behind him and walked to Renji's desk, sitting down on the floor.

"I managed to smuggle in some of the real good stuff" Shuuhei said, now sporting an equally wide smirk as the redhead, "and I thought this was as good a chance to use it as any."

"You're a saint Shuuhei" Renji laughed and slapped the man on the back. Shuuhei hemmed and opened the bottle with a loud pop.

"Nope, just dead." The redhead looked at him in silence for good few seconds before bursting into a loud laughter, tears running from his eyes. He fell on his back to the floor, still howling from laughter. Shuuhei tasted the sake straight from the bottle, not bothering with saucers this time. He closed his eyes as the alcohol burned down his throat and sent a warm sensation coursing from his stomach to his head and arms. Renji finally calmed down and crawled next to Shuuhei, propping himself up on his elbows. He let the man put the bottle on his lips and pour some sake into his mouth, humming pleasantly at the strong taste.

"You're the best senpai I've ever had" the redhead chuckled as Shuuhei raised the bottle to his own lips again. The man smiled and smacked his lips, savoring the sake.

"I think I'm the only senpai you've ever had, ne?" Renji scoffed and turned on his back, leaning his head onto Shuuhei's lap.

"That's not the point here."

"Then what is?" Renji looked up at Shuuhei, staring at the man's kind eyes that twinkled with laughter. He raised his hand up to stroke his cheek.

"That I'm trying to tell you that I love you, you idiot." Shuuhei suddenly froze, almost dropping the sake bottle from his hand. Renji frowned, this wasn't really the reaction he had been expecting.

"Shuuhei, are you al…"

"Don't say that Renji" Shuuhei interrupted him, shaking his head with his eyes closed. He lowered the sake bottle onto the floor and raised Renji up from his lap, holding the man by his shoulders.

"You're too young, you don't what that means. Don't waste that on me, please." Renji looked confused, he grabbed Shuuhei's hands into his.

"But I…"

"No, please, Renji I mean it. I adore you, I really do, and I want only the best for you but this…this isn't love."

"But what's the difference then?" Renji insisted, "I've never felt this close with anyone, you get me, you make me laugh, we sleep together, I call out your name for God's sake!" Shuuhei hushed the young man, placing his thumb on his lips.

"I know that, and I feel the same, but it's only been what, few weeks? Love takes longer, you're just infatuated now. Give it time." Renji looked like a sad puppy, his mouth opened and closed as he tried to think of something to say.

"Please Renji, give it time. Believe me, you'll only regret it now." Finally the redhead sighed and nodded.

"Fine, fine, guess you're right, as always." Shuuhei smiled plaintively and stroke the young man's hair.

"I'm sorry Renji, but I don't want you to get the wrong idea of love. It needs to be something special, something that you feel with your whole being. Not just with your cock." The young man snorted and looked at Shuuhei with disbelief.

"You must be serious if you're talking like that" he uttered, now managing a small smile. Shuuhei smiled back at him, kissing him gently on the forehead.

"I am. As is this sake, drink up" he said and gave the bottle to Renji who took it with a small shrug. They drank in silence for few minutes before Renji opened his mouth.

"I hear what you said Shuuhei, but I have just one question" he started.

"Yes Renji?" the man asked, dangling the sake bottle on his finger.

"You said that love takes longer than just few weeks" the redhead said, "and you're probably right, but you've also said that I'm a quick learner." Renji grinned at Shuuhei who arched an eyebrow at him as he followed his trail of thought.

"Yes?"

"Well, maybe I am in love but in my own, slightly different and smaller way." Shuuhei burst into laughter, throwing his head back. He shook his head and looked at Renji with his shoulders shaking from laughter.

"I doubt there's anything you could do in a small way, Renji." The redhead cocked an eyebrow at Shuuhei and leaned in closer, his hot breath on Shuuhei's neck.

"Wanna find out?"


End file.
